I don't know if these are the kinds of things Arneson would have done in his game, but I decided to keep it positive and use "Daveing" to describe the alterations I made to D&D instead of "de-gygaxing."
I've already discussed a number of changes, but today I want to talk about Daveing the orc family tree. By that I mean that kobolds, goblins, hobgoblins, gnolls, and bugbears are essentially just orcs with lesser or greater amounts of hit dice- .5, 1-1, 1+1, 2, and 3+1 respectively. I realize, of course, that gnolls are not related to orcs, but for the sake of this article, I'll include them as well as a couple of other orc variants (in the meta sense.)
The idea here is to make the motivations of each race unique and give them more of a visual identifier than "orc with dog-head" or "orc with hyena-head," etc. For now I'll just lay on the flayva and skip the nuts & bolts. Some of these guys deserve an entry all their own due to changes in powers and the like.
Koboldes*
In various editions of the game, it's mentioned that gnomes and kobolds hate each other. That was my starting point for this version. In the distant past, a group of gnome miners found themselves trapped in a mine containing an ore that gave off a queer elemental force that poisoned and bent the gnomes, turning them into angry little blue bastards.
The gnomes that arrived to free them were forced back by the deadly ore, eventually leaving those trapped inside for dead. As a result, the
koboldes (as they eventually referred to themselves) blamed and came to hate their brethren for their condition.
*I'm using a variant spelling of kobold here so as to differentiate them from the standard D&D monster. I am not adding the "e" to fancify the name the way some dorks do with "Lich." The word "lich" is English. It means "corpse" and it is pronounced "bitch." Not "leech" or "leek" or "like" or whatever other ghey hyperforeignisms get ascribed to it. This is why there's no fucking "e" on the end of it, understand?
He didn't get out of the cock-a-doodie CAR!
Goblins
The idea here is that goblins are the lowest ranking, most numerous, inhabitants of Hell. They exist primarily to torment the souls of the damned. On occasion, a few of these mini-fiends make their way (or were they released?) to the mortal realm where they gleefully terrorize the living.
The idea for this came from two sources, the movie
Legend and the works of Heironymus Bosch. Each goblin is a random mix of man, animal, and junk. So, you could have a bird with a pig's head wearing a pair of big boots or a giant pair of scissors with legs. Whatever I think would make for an unsettling bogie. Ideally, no two are the same, but all have the same stats.
Hobgoblins
The inspiration for these fellows comes from Ralph Bakshi's
Wizards. These are probably the closest to what is described in the game. They make up the bulk of their demonic masters' military forces, acting primarily as cannon fodder. In their downtime, they crack whips at goblins, bend, fold, spindle and mutilate the damned, and otherwise sit and stare at stuff. Like the goblins, they get to visit the world of the living, where they likewise terrorize mortals, albeit less gleefully.
Visually, they are hulking humanoids in a variety of earth tone colors. They glowing red eyes, large pointed ears, a mouthful of sharp teeth, and clawed hands. Some of them share traits more common to demons (horns, wings, tails, etc.) but those are just for show.
Gnolls
These are completely useless to me. If I was gonna use them at all, I'd just build them from the ground up and call the Gnoles, the creatures that Dunsany created and that were made stupid by Gygax. A cross between a gnome and a troll, Gary? Really?
Bugbears
These guys are completely unrelated to goblins. They are wicked forest monsters that only come out at night to abuse those foolish enough to get caught in the wilderness alone. They are creatures of Chaos that exist to sow fear and will sometimes be in the company of ghouls, bats, snakes, gargoyles and other night creepers.
These are full-on representations of the image Greg "More Cow" Bell gave the world in
Dungeons & Dragons Supplement 1: Greyhawk, which means they're big, naked, dark, hairy and have motherfuckin' pumpkins for heads. Way scarier than the plus-sized goblins that Gygax wanted. Sorry, Gary. This time you lose.
Ogres
Ogres are essentially simple folk that don't like to be messed with. So, basically a less cartoony, larger version of Shrek. In this case, though, they could almost pass for human if you squint, looking more like oversized cavemen, but with a better wardrobe. Ogres being French, both resemble and sound like Andre the Giant. They also speak French. This all makes more sense if you're familiar with the Mystara setting.
These guys enjoy the same things in life as humans do, but if you cross them, they'll be happy to eat you. And your family and all your pets. And your horse. Having said that, if you really want something that big, but more stupid and violent, there's always the perfectly good Hill Giant to make use of.
Trolls
When drawn properly, they look like Meg Knucklebones from the aforementioned movie Legend, which is a good thing in my opinion. I, however, prefer Russ Nicholson's take on them in the Fiend Folio (the giant troll, anyway.) Like ogres, I prefer my trolls to be at least somewhat intelligent, to wear clothes, to be able to communicate, etc. Unlike ogres, though, trolls are complete assholes that just want to eat you, regardless of whether or not you actually walked across their lawn.
I like the different flavors of troll that Dave Trampier had in his Wormy comic and ultimately will probably base my trolls on them. I think they should have horns, though.
So that covers the common humanoids. Keep in mind that I'm dealing strictly with B/X D&D and so don't know or care about all the swell variations in later editions. These work for me and my game just fine.
Next time I think I'll present my modified version of Arneson's dragon maker from Adventures in Fantasy.
